take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
