Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
