I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
