no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we're so committed to being not committed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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