Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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