the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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