I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
