First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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