I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We left an ass print on the piano.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
