Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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