this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize