Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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