20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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