I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
