K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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