Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
