Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
