I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
