i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
