Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Two words: blizzard sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
