i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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