It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
