he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
