My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
