Screwed.edu
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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