hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
