I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
