omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i dont even know how to be here
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
