How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
