Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
