i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
