Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
