its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
