If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
