The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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