dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
