Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
