Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
