Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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