He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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