Me. At least after what I've been through.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
