so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
