Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
pray to the hookup gods
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
