she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
