Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
