My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
