The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
