The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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