I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
