I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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