I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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