The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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