There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
