Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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