Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she told me i tasted like america
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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