Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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