so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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