i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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