Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize