Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
