i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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