I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
